AMAZON has told buyers to destroy newly purchased hoverboards, because they made you look like a twat.
The internet giant has agreed to refund anyone sold the products after it emerged their market research on the product was flawed.
A spokesman said: “A new guy was doing the market research – he told us everyone was telling him how cool the boards were and how they were going to be the must-have Christmas gift… Turns out he only asked a handful of his mates; all of whom were massive bell ends.”
He added: “Our advice is to take any purchased hoverboards to a safe location and, if they haven’t already exploded, set fire to them.
“Alternatively you can beat fuck out of them with a hammer.”
However, hoverboard owner Nick Murray, a 22-year-old twat from Plymouth, said: “This bad boy is going to be a big hit with the ladies. I’ll be like a dog with two cocks.”
Jillian Telforth, a woman, said: “No, you’ll still be a dick; only now you’ll be a dick with a hoverboard.
“If you really want a shag, buying a car’s your best bet. You can’t, as far as I know, have sex on a hoverboard, although it might be worth a try…”