Pubs to ban twats who use mobiles to settle arguments

Says here Torshavn is actually the capital of the Faroe Islands

Says here Torshavn is actually the capital of the Faroe Islands

PUBS are to ban bellends who use their mobile phones to settle arguments.

The growing problem has seen some hostelries reduced to near silence as every time a dispute arises on music or football trivia somebody Googles it, immediately cutting off the conversation.

Publican Jim Granger said: “Used to be a debate on who was the top scorer for Arsenal in the 1990s could last all night. The conversation would take delicious twists as one punter would reveal he’d lost his virginity to the soundtrack of Ian Wright scoring against Man United, or another might regale us with the time he met Dennis Bergkamp in a sushi joint.

“But now there’s always some twat who likes to think he’s the font of all knowledge just because he can look up Wikipedia.”

Pub chat expert Chris Holloway said: “The ‘Google Bellend’, as I like to call him, is just a nuisance. Usually he’s the one of the group no-one’s invited and has just ‘turned up’ because he’s stalking everyone on Facebook.

“He longs for acceptance and thinks he can achieve this by boring everyone with facts.

“What he can’t grasp is that pub disputes are not about who is right or wrong. They’re about who can present their case with the most panache while playfully insulting their mates.”




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