HAVING single-handedly brought peace to the Middle East, Tony Blair will now end extremism in Europe, it has emerged.
Announcing his new role as chairman of the European Council of Tolerance Except for People We Don’t Like, the former PM said it would take “a couple of years” to root out extremism.
Mr Blair added: “The job’s going to involve a lot of travelling around some of the most picturesque cities in Europe. While in town I’ll probably kill two birds with one stone by giving the odd after-dinner speech, if anyone’s interested in booking me.”
Asked how he planned to tackle extremism, Mr Blair said: “Look, it’s about winning hearts and minds. If not we’ll just bomb them out of existence, that seemed to work with the Taliban.”
Extremist and die-hard Liverpool fan Colin Williams, who is know by the nom de guerre StevieG al Fatwa, said: “Tony Blair’s name strikes terror into the hearts of my fellow martyrs – we’re all scared we’re going to piss ourselves laughing.
“To piss oneself is forbidden, although pissing on the corpses of our fallen foes is very much encouraged. Go figure.”