FIFA has vowed to investigate corruption allegations, in return for a ‘nominal administrative fee’.
FIFA president Sepp Blatter said no offshore account would be left unturned in the organisation’s bid to fully exonerate itself.
The announcement came after nine high-profile FIFA officials were arrested by US authorities on charges of racketeering, money laundering and being generally dodgy.
Mr Blatter said: “Our investigation will probably show this has all been a big mistake, but we want to demonstrate that FIFA is completely transparent.
“However, it’s going to be an expensive business, so we might need a small donation – it doesn’t have to be cash, a nice watch or a car would do. Have you seen the new Mercedes? Beautiful piece of engineering.”
Mr Blatter added that he’d not been on holiday ‘for at least a month’.
“I hear the Seychelles is nice at this time of year,” he said, “If you like, I can show you the brochure for this lovely beachside hotel I know? It would be nice to go back there…”