OUTGOING Chief Secretary to the Treasurer Danny Alexander has left a note for his successor saying “we’re rolling in cash”, David Cameron has claimed.
The Prime Minster was quick to brandish the note as conclusive proof that Britain was back on track.
Appearing at the Tories’ tradition post-election elevenses, Mr Cameron said: “We’re rich, I tell you, rich! So fill your boots!”
Mr Cameron then held aloft the 2010 note from Liam Byrne, the former Labour Treasury Secretary, which contained the ‘joke’ that there was “no money left”. He then laughed long and hard.
Mr Byrne’s note has been cited by many as the single biggest reason for the Tories’ spectacular election triumph.
Mr Cameron said: “I love Liam Byrne – it’s not just that he scored an own goal – he scored a succession of own goals, got his keeper send off then bowled five wides. Or is that cricket? I’m never too sure about the difference.”
Mr Byrne admitted that every day he felt a “burning shame” for having penned the note that provide Mr Cameron with his best piece of ammunition.
However, Labour voters were unsympathetic. “Please just fuck off you massive tool,” they said.
Meanwhile, Mr Alexander said he couldn’t recall writing the ‘loads of money’ note.
“To be honest, after myself and Charles Kennedy lost our seats we plundered George Osborne’s stash of priceless claret and got shitfaced,” he said. “I woke up to Charlie having a dump in Michael Gove’s desk drawer. For some reason I was wearing Theresa May’s spare two-piece. Fuck knows.”