The UK decides… which twat to vote for

Handy for disposing of used toilet roll

Handy for disposing of used toilet roll

TODAY the UK decides which cretin to vote for.

In one of the most tightly fought elections in recent history, voters up and down the country are busy stroking their chins in polling booths wondering which candidate has the best hair.

Jemma Smith from Coventry said: “They’ve been banging on about the deficit for months – you’d think I’d understand what the fuck they’re on about by now. But I don’t, so I’m just going to vote for the one who dresses best.”

Claire Hannington from Merthyr Tydfil added: “I’m using the tried and tested ‘marry, shag, throw off a cliff’ test to decide who I’ll be voting for. Let’s just say it’s not looking good for Ed Miliband.”

Donald Clark from Wishaw said he would be voting for the least worst candidate. “I’m in a bit of a bind, because they’re all equally shit,” he added.

Polling expert Nick Collins said this election was guaranteed to annoy everyone. “Basically no one’s going to get who they voted for. If this was to happen in some countries, civil war would surely follow. Unfortunately we’re all too bloody polite to let that happen.”

 

 

 

 

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