No tax raises ever, vows Cameron

They're sweetners, like I take in my latte

They’re sweetners, like I take in my latte

THEY’RE not bribes, they’re sweeteners, David Cameron has claimed.

As the Tories vowed never to raise any taxes ever again if you just vote for their festering dung pile of a party, Ed Miliband accused Mr Cameron of acting like a “two-bit hood”. When asked to elaborate on the accusation, Mr Miliband said he’d heard the phrase on an American cop show once and wasn’t entirely sure what it meant.

“I think it basically means he’s a scoundrel,” Mr Miliband added.

Despite the raising and lowering of taxes being dependent on numerous global factors over which Mr Cameron has no control whatsoever, the PM insisted his pledge had been fully costed in consultation with the UK’s most esteemed economists, astrologers and self-styled PR gurus.

Undecided voter Jemma Richardson said not having to pay higher taxes sounded quite good. “It’s a shame Mr Cameron’s talking through his arse,” she added.

 

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