A NEW watch has been launched that tells you the time and fuck all else.
The timepiece, called A Watch, will go head to head with the new Apple Watch, which was also released this week amid excessive wanky fanfare.
A Watch was created by inventor Richard Dillon. He said: “When you need to know the time, A Watch is a great place to start.
“Yes, it has no heart rate sensor, accelerometer or gyroscope, and, no, it can’t connect to the internet. It doesn’t even have a light for God’s sake.
“However, my research shows 95% of consumers, when purchasing a watch, primarily want it to tell the time. The other five per cent valued Bluetooth capability, but they were geeky fucknuts who wanted to show off to their equally dickish friends.
“A Watch is so easy to use – all you do is look at it and see where the big and little hands are pointing. It also cost some £495 less than an Apple Watch meaning you can leave the house without fear of whacking it on a door frame or something.”