YODA has finally broken his silence about Star Wars scriptwriters’ continued insistence he speaks like an illiterate Bulgarian.
Yoda said: “I’m one of the most powerful Jedi Masters in galactic history. I served on the Jedi High Council and was granted the title Master of the Order, yet I can’t seem to grasp the basics of sentence construction. Or, as those fuckwits would write – ‘grasp the basics of sentence construction I can’t’.”
With the release of the new Star Wars instalment, The Force Awakens, due next year, Yoda revealed he was now only in it for the money.
“To be honest, it’s been all downhill since Return of the Jedi. God, they were good times! Me and Hans Solo cutting loose across the galaxy. I remember one time after a few too many shandies, Hans takes the keys for the Millennium Falcon and he’s like, let’s go cruising for Wookie cuties. Boy, that was some night!
“Anyway, it’s totally shit now, but I’ve a coke habit to feed, so what can you do?”