DAVID Cameron has vowed to resurrected more Thatcher-era policies, starting with the poll tax.
The Prime Minister said the tax would again be trialled in Scotland to gauge its impact.
“Yes, it was a tad unpopular last time round,” Mr Cameron said, “but this time we’ll be offering loads of different and exciting ways to pay.
“For instance a focus group consisting of some elderly Notting Hill chums of mine gave our new app some very positive feedback. They said they loved the ‘functionality’, which gives me great hope for its success up there in Jockland.
“Of course, Jocks can always pay using the usual methods – that’s to say in pennies after standing for hours in a queue at a grim post office while swigging fortified wine and grumbling about everything.”
SNP leader Nicola Sturgeon welcomed the poll tax plan.
“Every time Dave speaks he makes my job easier,” she said. “I expect by the time the election comes around everybody in Scotland will be wielding a shovel and digging a massive trench along Hadrian’s Wall.”