Jewel heist cops were eating Monster Munch

POLICE heard an intruder alarm go off at the scene of the Hatton Safe Deposit jewel heist but couldn’t be arsed responding, it has emerged.

A MET officer who was on duty at the time said: “It was the Easter Bank Holiday weekend so we were all a bit lethargic having binged on chocolate eggs. We were also in the middle of a Guess Who marathon so when the alarm went off we were kind of busy. Harry had just cracked open a multipack of Monster Munch so no-one wanted to leave in case they were left with the pickled onion ones.

“Malcolm did have a quick shifty at the CCTV and saw a few guys wearing balaclavas and holding bags with SWAG written on them, but he thought nothing of it. Then John-Jo’s, like, ‘don’t worry lads, it’s only Hattons, there’s fuck all of worth there anyway’.”

Thieves made off with millions of pounds worth of jewels.

The officer added: “Yeah, we were a bit surprised by the scale of the raid, but so what? I mean, is every crime in London our responsibility? Anyone would think it’s our job to stop this kind of things happening.”


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