Miliband: I’m descended from Boudicca

ED Miliband has trumped David Cameron’s claim he is related to Kim Kardashian – by revealing he is a direct descendant of Boudicca.

The Labour leader said his distant ancestor has passed on to him her warrior spirit, as well as the ability to drink a flagon of ale and ride a chariot.

Warrior queen

Warrior queen

Chroniclers recording the life of the queen of the Iceni people also make frequent mention of her inability to eat a sandwich without looking weird, a trait Mr Miliband shares.

Mr Miliband told a hastily arranged press conference: “Just as my relative, Boudicca, threw off the yoke of Roman tyranny, I too will strike a blow for the common man by defeating the Etonian and his tribe of canniballist and warlocks.

“I will then sack London, and after the Thames has run red with the blood of those in the highest tax bracket, I will introduce some far-reaching reforms to zero-hours contracts… and other stuff.”

Sandwich king

Sandwich king

However, some have questioned Mr Miliband’s claims he is related to the Dark Ages queen.

One politician friend said: “It’s Westminster’s worst-kept secret that Ed is the bastard lovechild of Gromit and a Peruvian sloth. So, considering one of his parents is a Plasticine character and the other an animal from South America, it’s difficult to see how the link to Boudicca came about, although you never know.”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>