Cameron to stand down from All Heroic Grand Weasel role

Cameron (centre) told the brethren he would be stepping down

Cameron (centre) told the brethren he would be stepping down

DAVID Cameron has ruled our serving a third term as the All Heroic Grand Weasel of the Brotherhood of the Holy Trident.

The PM said he would not be scriving his name in blood on the Velum Scroll of Conclave in 4015, should the all-seeing ambassadors back him at next month’s Synod of Wolverhampton.

“I think after another two millennia as the Grand Weasel, I’ll be ready to call it a day,” Mr Cameron told Supernova, the Brotherhood of the Holy Trident’s in-house magazine.

The interview pictured a relaxed Mr Cameron as he and his wife Samantha, High Priestess of Legerdemain, prepared elevenses in their galley kitchen. The meal consisted of lettuce, tomatoes, kale and sauteed tiger penis.

Mr Cameron added: “Obviously I could go on and on and on. As Grand Weasel I’ve supped from the Goblet of Alhari which gives me eternal life, but I want to pursue other ventures, possibly as envoy to Middle Golgothara. I’ve heard that can be very lucrative.”

However, Mr Cameron’s announcement has led to fevered speculation about his replacement. The three candidates are:

Boris Johnson, Head Joker of the Confounded Befuddler

Theresa May, Deputy Chief Carrier of the Sword of Fremantle

George Osborne, Senior Executive of the Righteous Stoat-Wrastlers

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