THE Beatles have launched a court case against every guitar band formed in the last 50 years, claiming they have all copied their songs.
If successful, it is hoped the case could end overnight a whole genre of godawful music.
People of Liverpool greeted the news with jubilation, although they insisted they had not listened to anything but the Beatles for decades anyway, with the exception of songs You’ll Never Walk Alone, Ferry Across the Mersey and Mr Blobby.
The copyright case was launched by surviving Beatles members Ringo Star and gazillionaire Paul McCartney.
McCartney said: “Basically every song with chord progression is a rip-off of at least one of our tracks. That’s why I’ve instructed investigators to scour the length of the country looking for infringements. So be warned, anyone who makes money from strumming a guitar will feel the full force of the law coming down on them – and that includes buskers.”
Musicologist Reece Gaynor said: “McCartney and Star are clearly looking to return the musical landscape to that lost utopia where there was nothing but four guys, screaming girls and a jaunty beat. Frankly, good luck to them – if it means One Direction can never again perform then it’ll have been worth it.”