NAÏVE new parents can’t wait to read a bedtime story to their children, it has emerged.
New mum Shirley Anderson and husband Rob are as yet unaware of the hell that awaits them.
Mrs Anderson said: “I’m going to start with children’s versions of the classics – Robert Louis Stevenson’s Treasure Island, then the Count of Monte Cristo and some JM Barrie. It’s going to be magical. I can just see little Alecia’s eyes slowly closing as I lull her to sleep with this beautiful prose that will instil in her a life-long love of reading.
“She’ll probably win the Booker by the time she’s 20.”
However, experienced parents Holly and James Cormack sounded a note of caution.
“It’s just another bloody chore,” said Mrs Cormack. “Forget all those romantic notions of reading fine literature – it’ll be some shit about a talking dog every night for months and months.”
Added husband James: “Sometimes they’ll ask if they can read the book themselves, despite not being able in any sense to read. It’s quite cute – for about ten second. Then you just want them to hurry the fuck up so you can go downstairs and get stuck into the Merlot.”