GENEROUS Brits have rallied round Centrica after the energy firm announced a fall in profits, from a criminally insane level to a merely gratuitous one.
Families have been quick to pledge cash after an online fund was established to assist Centrica chief Iain Conn.
Centrica, which owns British Gas, has seen profits slump after it emerged that it was not necessarily legal for it to charge whatever the hell it liked.
The appropriately named Mr Conn said: “I’ve been reduced to a state of relative penury. Last night at Claridge’s I was even forced to have the ’86 Mouton Rothschild as opposed to the 2000. Talk about slumming it.”
Energy consumer Billy Davis, 54, said he donated the equivalent of a week’s grocery bill to the Save Iain Conn Fund.
“When me and the wife heard about Iain’s plight, I just had to do something,” said Mr Davis. “Fair enough, it meant we had to live on stale Cream Crackers and a tin of John West salmon for a week, but that was nothing compared to what poor Iain was going through.”
Mr Conn, who earns almost £1m a year in basic salary, said the Save Iain Conn Fund had thrown him a lifeline.
He added: “Imagine you dined out at the top restaurants every day of the week then you realised you could only afford to do so three times a week. I know, horrid.
“It’s the equivalent of people like you having to buy ghastly supermarket ‘value’ products rather than the ‘choice’ or ‘finest’ items. Completely dehumanising.”
But energy consumer Sheila McKay, who recently froze to death because she couldn’t afford to heat her home, said: “Actually, it’s nothing like that.”