BINGE-DRINKING among young adults in Britain is falling, but crystal meth use has skyrocketed, new data from the Institute of National Surveys shows.
The proportion of this group binging at least once a week is down from 95% in 2005 to 88%.
The survey also shows the number of 16 to 24 year olds who are teetotal has doubled, from 1% a decade ago to 2% today.
However, in the same period crystal meth use has risen steadily, with 93% of young adults today admitting they are getting off their tits every other day.
Nick Clark from the Institute of National Surveys suggested the fall in the number of binge-drinkers was mainly because alcohol was not potent enough to numb the senses and help young people escape the Godawfulness of the world and/or their pointless existence.
“Crystal meth is just the ticket,” he said. “A shot of the good stuff and you can forget all about an education system obsessed with exams rather than learning, which shitty bands it’s acceptable to like, why girls don’t act like they do in porn films and the fact that your parents’ generation are burning fossil fuels at such a rate that by the time you reach middle-age the world’s resources will have been used up, plunging everything into darkness.
”Honestly, if I was a young adult today I’d buy a bathfull of crank and just lie in it until everything became fuzzy.
“Unfortunately, I’ve three kids, a mortgage and a wife who likes going to poncey restaurants with ‘taster menus’. Basically I’m fucked.”