Gossiping customers to be kicked, Asda announces

Get. Out. Of. The. Way

Get. Out. Of. The. Way

SHOPPERS who block the exit to Asda by yabbering to friends, fannying around trying to find car keys or just bloody standing there looking gormless are to be kicked square in the nuts, it has been revealed.

The supermarket, owned by US giant Walmart, was forced to take the unprecedented action after a deluge of complaints from customers who just wanted to quickly pop in for bread, milk and a six pack of Coors Light.

Kevin Amsley, 24, from Tewksbury said: “Firstly, the twats in front of me couldn’t work the self-scan machines. I swear, one guy was actually trying to scan every mushroom individually.

“Then there’s this couple of old hags nattering away oblivious to the fact no-one can get round them. Fair enough, a trip to Asda is probably the social highlight of their week. But why in the name of Holy fuck do they have to barricade the doors with their trollies?”

An Asda spokeswoman said: “Due to the high number of complaints received regarding this issue we decided to conduct a survey to determine exactly what sanctions we should take against customers causing an obstruction.

“Ninety per cent agreed a good kick square in the nuts was an appropriate response, with just 5% calling for disembowelment, 4% for beheading and 1% for asking them politely to move on.”




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