MIKE Ashley has denied he is trampling on the traditions of a proud football club by insisting Rangers field five of his drinking buddies.
Ashley owns an 8.92% share in Rangers, with his Sports Direct company owing some 70%, which basically means he has the club by the short and curlys.
However, his decision to play James ‘Chubbs’ McGirk, Brian ‘Gammy Leg’ Smith, and the three Graham brothers – the youngest of whom is 52 – has infuriated fans and left interim manager Kenny McDowall wondering what he is doing with his life.
McDowell said: “He wants us tae start with Chubbs in centre mid, with the Grahams all upfront and this Smith character as an attacking full-back. I’ve seen Smith playing, and he couldn’t attack a bowl of cornflakes.
“But hey-ho, if that’s what he wants, who am I, with my mere 30 years’ of experience in the game, to tell him differently.
“It could we worse,” McDowell added, “Mike was wanting a game himself. I just said there was a rule against an owner playing for his team. Stupid twat believed me.”
Ashley insisted he was doing all he could to bring an entertainment factor to the Glasgow club and that the five new players were “diamonds in the rough”.
He added: “I’m also thinking of putting a few trapdoors on the pitch that tigers can leap out of – just like in Gladiator. Can you imagine – the opposition forward breaking free down the wing then suddenly – Bang! – out jumps a big fucking tiger and rips his legs off! Fans won’t have witnessed anything like that since Souness was playing.”