SCOTTISH MPs face being barred from Westminster orgies under new plans unveiled yesterday.
The proposals, from a cross-party group of MPs spearheaded by William Hague, would see Scottish MPs excluded from sex parties affecting England only.
“This is a fundamental issue of fairness,” the Commons Leader told an unusually packed House as he launched the draft Jock-free Humping Bill.
However, the proposed legislation soon ran into difficulties when it was pointed out they failed to take into account Welsh and Northern Irish MPs.
“Good point, well made,” said Mr Hague. “I suppose we’ll have to bar them as well, unless they bring along a particularly attractive friend.”
The response brought roars of derision from the Scottish MPs, many of whom appeared drunk.
Chief Ginger to the Treasury Danny Alexander said: “This legislation is clearly being made up on the hoof by some very insecure ministers who are intimidated by the Scots’ sexual athleticism.”
He then extended his pinkie and wiggled it at Mr Hague.
Plaid Cymru MP Johnthan Edwards said: “Look, am I in or out? I need to know.”