Keane goes walkies

No answer to Keane two-footed challenge

No answer to Keane two-footed challenge

ROY Keane has announced his shock retirement from the game – so he can concentrate on a new dogwalking business.

The canine venture – Roy of the Rovers – was launched yesterday in Keane’s home city of Cork, although he revealed that, for the right dog, he would be willing to travel as far as Blarney.

The bearded Irishman picked up his first client, a bichon frise called Jaques, at 8.45am yesterday from a quiet cul-de-sac in the west of the city.

Dressed in a dark puffer and stout Hunter Wellington boots, Keane told the assembled press pack: “This is a new departure for me, but, sure, I’ve been assistant manager to the Republic of Ireland so I’m well used to shouting at a pack of slobbering animals as they run around after a ball.

“I’m a dog person, y’know. People? Not really my thing.”

The ex-Manchester United star then told reporters to “fuck off” and jumped in his van, stopping 100 yards along the street to pick up his assistant, 15-year-old Kieran McCartney. Keane spotted the youngster’s talent with a pooper scooper when back in Cork during a tantrum-induced break from football.

Speaking after his first day in the job, McCartney said: “When Roy asked me to work with him, it was like a dream come true. I gave up school right there and then to focus on the job. Turns out, though, all I do is pick up shit and get shouted at. Today he tore strips off me because I missed the bin with a poo bag.”

Commenting on the incident, Keane said: “The lad’s new to the game, and fair play to him, he tried his best. But honestly, it was a fucking sitter.”

However, fellow dogwalkers in Fitzgerald Park described Keane’s morning session as “amateurish”.

Harold Murphy, 52, said: “A great dane was giving him some real bother, but then he took it out with a two-footed tackle, grabbed by the neck and shouted something about Hangeland in its face. Not exactly conventional, but seemed to do the trick.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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