Cameron: TV debate for ‘pussies’

A toff's weapon of choice

A toff’s weapon of choice

DAVID Cameron has expressed his preference for televised hand-to-hand combat rather than an election debate, it has emerged.

Having been branded “a big chicken” for refusing to take part in a leaders’ debate, the Prime Minister yesterday hit back, insisting talk was for “pussies”.

He said: “Look, I could bore the arse off you about NHS waiting lists, or I could kick Nick Clegg in the nads. Which would you prefer?”

The Ferret understands there is unanimous support amongst the other leaders for a violent spectacular.

Details of the exact form of combat are sketchy, but sources close to Sky Atlantic, which would screen the bloodbath, say each leader would be allowed to choose one weapon.

“I’ll be wielding a knobkierie,” Mr Cameron revealed, referring to a weapon used in Apartheid South Africa.

Here is a list of the other leaders and their weapons of choice:

Nigel Farage (Ukip): broken beer bottle

Ed Miliband (Labour): Nunchucks

Nick Clegg (Libdems): Mace (can of)

Nicola Sturgeon (SNP): Acerbic wit

Carwyn Jones (Welsh Labour): Longbow

All leaders agreed in principle to the fight, on condition Peter Robinson be excluded after the First Minister for Northern Ireland requested he be allowed to use an improvised explosive device.

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